Soccer in America
– Soccer’s closest kin in the world of sport is professional wrestling. Both of these sports assign winners and losers without regard to skill or performance on the decision of a single referee of dubious authenticity. They both feature the arbitrary calling of fouls in the midst of a melee where rule violations are continuous, in much the same way that police working speed traps give speeding tickets to unlucky drivers on highways where literally everyone is speeding. Both sports appeal to an unwashed, dentally-challenged, brawling demographic, and both are dominated by athletes notable more for their thespian talents than for their abilities to run, jump, or throw.
Soccer will never become a major sport in the US until it adopts some of the marketing tactics perfected by pro wrestling – grudge matches, colorful uniforms, makeup, feather boas, and hot babes. As soon as Vince McMahon buys MLS and turns it into Extreme Soccer, things will start to click.
By the way, I’ve finally discovered why soccer players don’t put their hands on the ball — it’s because they’re too busy grabbing the other guys’ jerseys. I’m slow, I guess, not to have figured that out before the WC.
- June 25th
But why would soccer want to change from being what it is — the most successful and popular sport in the world — to meet the demands of a comparatively small market like the US?
Since the US is the most popular destination for immigrants – more come here than to all other countries combined – improving the popularity of soccer in this country will enable many of our immigrants to obtain gainful employment, thus reducing the burden the wastrels place on the public trust.
You guys should look at http://www.exsoccer.com As far as Vince he can buy it from me as we need some one like him to help us off the ground.