{"id":305,"date":"2002-03-09T05:47:16","date_gmt":"2002-03-09T12:47:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mossback.org\/archives\/2002\/03\/from-erics-joke-stash\/"},"modified":"2002-03-09T05:47:16","modified_gmt":"2002-03-09T12:47:16","slug":"from-erics-joke-stash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/2002\/03\/09\/from-erics-joke-stash\/","title":{"rendered":"From Eric’s joke stash"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\t— These are from a book called Disorder in the Court<\/i>, and are things people have
\nactually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
\nreporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
\ntaking place.<\/p>\n

\n

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.<\/p>\n

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.<\/p>\n

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<\/p>\n

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?<\/p>\n

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or
\nthirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
\n
A: Forty-five years.<\/p>\n

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
\nup that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
\n
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.<\/p>\n

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
\nor the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
\n
A: Yes, voodoo.<\/p>\n

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
\ndoesn’t know about it until the next morning?<\/p>\n

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?<\/p>\n

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?<\/p>\n

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
\n
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?<\/p>\n

Q: She had three children, right.
A: Yes.
Q: How many were
\nboys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?<\/p>\n

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
\n
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?<\/p>\n

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height
\n and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?<\/p>\n

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
\nnotice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to
\nwork.<\/p>\n

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
\n
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.<\/p>\n

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
\n
A: Oral.<\/p>\n

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The
\nautopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the
\ntime?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
\nautopsy.<\/p>\n

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<\/p>\n

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
\npulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q:
\nDid you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the
\npatient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can
\nyou be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
\n
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is
\npossible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

— These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people have actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active?A: No, I just lie there. … Continue reading “From Eric’s joke stash”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-internet"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbifyw-4V","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bennett.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}