In the interest of restoring investor confidence in the market, we at Omphalos would like to offer a lesson in decoding the high-tech press release. We start with an actual press release from an actual company whose name is redacted for obvious reasons, and explain in layman’s terms what the company is trying to convey.
Original in plain text, translation in italic.
XXX Networks, Inc., formerly known as YYY Networks, Inc., develops breakthrough technology and Wireless LAN products that enable mainstream adoption and new applications by vastly improving the quality and convenience of the Wireless LAN consumer experience.
We’re jumping on the Wireless LAN bandwagon.
XXX’s networking solutions, based on the IEEE 802.11 standard (also known as Wi-Fi), dramatically improve the quality of experience for WLAN users and solve issues that limit usability of today?s WLAN products.
There’s no real difference between our company’s network gear and anybody else’s, except price.
XXX?s technology gives users secure, easyto-use, standards-compliant WLAN capability that works in both the 2.4 GHz and 5 GHz bands. The breakthrough wireless technology provides performance for even the most bandwidth-intensive applications ? truly eliminating the need for wires at home, at work, and in public places.
Our wireless network doesn’t require wires – cool, eh?
The core team at XXX comprises a world-renowned group of wireless product and technology entrepreneurs from Cisco, Agere, Bell Labs, Nortel, Intel, Philips, and other companies.
We can’t hold a job.
XXX?s founders include the founders of ZZZ, a company that revolutionized OFDM wireless technology and was acquired by Cisco Systems in 1998.
We got lucky when Cisco was buying everything in sight.
XXX?s founders also include key technologists from Agere who invented the latest generation of Wireless LAN standards technology.
Agere (now Proxim) is a better company.
The company’s main office is in Palo Alto, California, USA, and it has development centers located in Fort Collins, Colorado and Breukelen, The Netherlands.
Our engineers don’t want to deal with the people on the company’s marquee; neither do you.
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