The HuffPo Guide to Good and Evil

Greg Gutfield offers advice to Huffy-Puffy readers:

And I started to ask myself how we could explain such horrible events so, you know, none of us look stupid at parties?

Even more important, how can my explanation about these acts help me pick up girls?

Then I read the Huffington Post, and I realized that, unlike Eve Ensler, Deepak Chopra, Jann Wenner and Hooman Majd, I have absolutely no idea how to respond to terror in a totally cool and nonjudgmental way!

When faced with something truly evil, like Karl Rove’s leak, it’s easy. Call for the bastard’s head.

But what about terrorists – or “bombers” – as the BBC calls them?

That’s a tough one, because although what the bombers did was bad – OUR country does some pretty bad things too! And really, who’s to say what’s bad anyway?

That’s judgmental. And being judgmental is wrong. Unless you’re a judge. And even then that’s probably not right either. Who’s to say? Not me. Probably not even a judge! Judges aren’t cool!

Thank God for the Huffington Post.
I now know how to respond to evil.
And you can too!
(cue music)

“With an irresistible mix of moral relativism and false consciousness, THE HUFFPO GUIDE TO GOOD AND EVIL helps me handle any debate involving terrorism – or any subject dealing with evil!” – Greg Gutfeld, 40, writer, pet owner and part-time Pilates instructor. “Passing judgment is so expensive! This seminar teaches me how to make everything relative – so I don’t have to defend my country – or my relatives!”

So far, I’ve learned so much from Deepak Chopra! Like, when faced with one act of terror, simply equate it to an act of non-terror!

I don’t generally recommend Huffy-Puffy except for a cheap laugh at the Celebrity Left, but this is a great piece.