What’s going to happen to Microsoft when Bill Gates takes over the Defense Department? I figure he’ll be passing out laptops to the Iraqis with Windows Vista pre-loaded, in hopes they’ll be more interested in downloading porn and stealing music than fighting each other, and he may be right. But Microsoft without Gates just won’t be the same.
The Democrats will be coming for our guns tomorrow, and they’ll leave the bills for the new entitlements for illegal immigrants. They’ll also collect the red meat from our freezers, confiscate SUVs, and take down info so they can start assigning us our new same-sex domestic partners. The tofu deliveries start Monday, along with mandatory recycling and abortions, and the Bible pickups will commence the following week. Your new copies of The Blind Watchmaker will arrive by union courier in December, and Christmas is canceled until further notice. The Battered Women’s Cultural Revision Commission is expected to cancel the NFL season before the Super Bowl and to instruct us on cooperative quilting. Net Neutrality begins in January, with all Internet searches directed to Google, and YouTube content will be managed by Daily Kos diarists. Glenn Reynolds will no longer be the Head Blogger In Charge after Jeralyn Merritt takes over, and George Lakoff and Geoff Nunberg will re-write all political speeches. This is progress, comrades, so embrace it.
UPDATE: Different Gates? Oh, never mind.